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Monday, April 20, 2015

He Stopped Communicating With Me, I Mistakenly Lost My Virginity With Another Man, Now He’s Back And Wants To Marry Me But Blames Me For My Lost Virginity. What Should I Do?

Dear Beloved, Please Help A Friend In Need: My Fiancé Is In A State Of Bitterness. I And My Fiancé Has Been In A Very Good Relationship For Many Years Now. He Was A Very Nice And God Fearing Person. We Grew To Love Each Other. All Through Those Times He Knew I Was A Virgin And Encouraged Me To Keep It. Then All Of A Sudden He Stopped Communicating With Me And Didn't Respond To My Messages. This Went On For Long And I Became Broken Hearted Because He Was The Best Friend I Had Then. I Confided In Matured People Even My Mum And They Told Me To Move On With My Life Which I Reluctantly Did. Someone Else In My Church Approached Me For Dating, I Refused Initially But Had To Accept – Not Because I Was Really Interested But To Get My Lost Friend Out Of My Mind. All Throughout The Period Of Dating My Present Man, I Was Emotionally Unbalanced. One Day, One Thing Led To Another And He Had Sex With Me, I Was So Full Of Regrets After That Day, The Feeling I Had Was Awful. I Had To Leave Him Because He Turned Out To Be Someone I Never Desired – He Was Just The Opposite Of My Other Guy. Immediately I Left Him Still In Pain Of Giving Myself To Him, My Other Friend Re-Surfaced Back With Excuses Of How He Was Struggling To Be A Man To Come Back And Settle Down With Me. He Then Asked If I Was A Virgin, I Couldn’t Stand The Shame And Reaction From Him So I Had To Lie. After A Year, He Proposed, I Still Couldn’t Tell Him Out Of Fear. We Were Preparing For Our Marriage And I Decided To Pay Him A Visit With My Parent's Consent. One Thing Led To Another, He Had Sex With Me And Found Out. I Had To Confess And Told Him Everything. After Some Time He Forgave Me And He Is Pushing On With The Marriage But He Hasn't Been Himself. He Is Bitter, Brings Up The Past And Falls Sick From Time To Time. I Have Made Peace With God Long Ago But I Can’t Forgive Myself For Hurting Him This Way. He Is Resenting Me, He Said He Can’t Get The Thought Out Of His Mind, And That It Will Forever Live With Him, That Things Might Not Be The Way It Use To Be And Lots Of Other Things. He Said There Is Nothing I Can Do Cos I’ve Lost His Most Cherished Gift To Another Man. I Am Full Of Regrets Now. I Haven’t Been With Any Man Since Then, I Wished It Was Him But It Wasn’t Intentional. If Only He Didn’t Go, I Might Not Have Even Had Anything To Do With Another Man. I Am So Confused. What Can I Ever Do Again? I Have Prayed To God To Forgive Me And Heal Him. I Don't Know What To Do. I Only Cry And Pray Day And Night.

My Dear Sister, Your Story Is A Long One But I Couldn’t Cut Much Out Because It’s Really A Heavy Burden From/In Your Heart.  A Man That Is Really Interested In Marrying You Will Not Just Disappear Like That For A Long Time Without Keeping In Touch With You – The Excuse Of Struggling To Be A Man So He Can Come And Marry You Does Not Really Make Much Sense.

What If He Returned And Met You Married, Wouldn’t He Have Continued With His Life? To Now Blame You And Refuse To Forgive You Of Your Past Because You Lost Your Virginity In The Process Is Quite A Harsh Judgement. Am I Exonerating You? NO! But Like
Christ Jesus, I Will Never Condemn You. The Awful Feeling And Guilt You Had After You Had Sex With Your Church Brother Is Enough Conviction As It Was.

But You Didn’t Do Well At All In Trying To Keep It A Secret From Him! Were You Expecting To Tell Him You’ve Lost Your Virginity On Your Wedding Night? You See, Devil Has A Way Of Tripping-Up Those That Keep Secrets. Falling Once Into The Sin Of Pre-Marital Sex Is Bad Enough But A Second Time? Not Good At All! Whoever Is Born Of God Does Not Continue In Sin!

Are You Genuinely Born Again? Telling A Grievous Lie And Confessing Only When You Were Caught Red-Handed Does Not Really Show You Have The Seed Of God In You. It Is Not Yet Late To Make Amends With God And I Don’t Mean The Kind Of Amend You Make Just Because You Don’t Want To Lose Your Fiancé And The Marriage Ahead.

Finally, God Forgives Us When We Genuinely Repent Of Our Sins And If God Has Forgiven Us, Who Is Man To Hold Our Past Against Us? He Who Is Without Sin Should Cast The First Stone! If You Can Live With Him Carrying Your Guilt For The Rest Of Your Married Life, You Can Go Ahead And Marry Him But IF NOT, Please Settle It With Him And If He Cannot Forgive And Let Go Of Your Past, Then DO NOT GO AHEAD WITH THE MARRIAGE! Blessings!


  1. My sister,it will be better for u not to go ahead with d marriage if he's not ready to forgive u.Except, u a ready to continue to live with d guilt for d rest of ur married life. Even our Lord Jesus Christ forgives. So, y should he continue to hold ur past sins against u. But u shouldn't av lied to him in d first place. That's very bad .You should av let him made d decision whether to stay or go by telling him the truth.


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